A little something till the cows come home

I just got a motorcycle. It's a 2002 Kawasaki ZR 750 and it's wonderful. I don't really have the energy to post right now, my beautiful wife and I have been babysitting four rugrats for the last four days, and we are beat. So in lieu of a post, I have the next best thing a link to someone else's work. This is a funny article buy a rather clever writer. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Stay tuned...

Mid-life crisis

As you already know, I am getting older. Recently I turned the ripe old age of twenty-four. My body no longer recovers quickly after playing sports. I tried some football last week and I couldn't walk for days afterwards. My back constantly aches and my dentures don't stay in like they used to. 

Anyway, I've decided to succumb to a mid-life crisis. I spent this past weekend learning how to drive a motorcycle. I need to give a shout-out to RideSmart motorcycle training. For three days they showed me the ropes of riding. It's really hard. It's not at all like riding a bicycle. There are lots of knobs and levers and buttons and thingies. After the first day, the spread was 3-1 against me actually graduating. By the end of the second day, even I was betting against myself. But I got my Class-M license after all and I'll be getting a bike soon. So stay off the sidewalks for a while. 

A list of things that bug me

This should be a short list, but it's not. These are some of the things that I dislike as of late. I'm not grumbling or complaining, just sharing.

1. Mandatory meetings that don't involve me and disrupt my life

2. People who have a poor work ethic

3. People who are incompetent, arrogant, and do shoddy work and still get paid more than I do for doing the same job

4. Dogs that won't learn to not jump on guests

5. Medical schools that charge me over and over just to have my application considered

6. People who don't know the lyrics to a song but insist on singing along anyway

7. People who take their shoes off during church and have smelly socks on

8. Watermelons

9. People who think my dog is a cat

10. People who like cats

11. Cats

12. Legal disclaimers

13. Being employed yet having no work and subsequently no money

14. The Technical Support line for Rosetta Stone (the language company) where I have spent countless hours on the phone holding to talk to a real person and yet I can never seem to reach one

15. Demon children

16. Downloading updates for computer programs

17. Getting bills in the mail

18. Hearing my phone ring at eight in the morning because a phone solicitor from the east coast thinks it's eleven

19. Myspace

20. People who insist on making things awkward even though the water is under the bridge

21. People who watch "Lost"

22. Cats (Yes, I know this is on the list twice) 

23. People who tip 10% and think they are doing their server a favor

24. People who call their pets "my children", "kids", or any other personification of animals

25. Blogs that have post with lists in them two days in a row

Disclaimer

After talking with the team of lawyers that handles the legal aspects of my blog, I have been advised to post a disclaimer concerning the nature of what I write.

Let's make a pretty little list, shall we?

1.  Any opinions of the Author on the Site are or have been rendered based on specific facts, under certain conditions, and subject to certain assumptions, and may not and should not be used or relied upon for any other purpose, including, but not limited to, for use in or in connection with any legal proceeding. (I'm not entirely sure what this means, but I mean it!)

2. The Information may be changed without notice and is not guaranteed to be complete, correct, timely, current or up-to-date. Similar to any printed materials, the Information may become out-of-date. The Author undertakes no obligation to update any Information on the Site; provided, however, that the Author may update the Information at any time without notice in the Author’s sole and absolute discretion. The Author reserves the right to make alterations or deletions to the Information at any time without notice.

3. This site is for entertainment purposes only. In no way should someone feel there is medical advice being dispensed and no doctor-patient relationship will be established.  

4. Any information posted about my employment, past or present, is technically fictitious and used for illustrative or educational purposes. 

5.  This site is maintained and owned exclusively by Benjamin E. Ihms, all rights reserved.  All opinions expressed herein are those of the author only, and do not represent the positions of his employers or any medical facility or organization with which he is affiliated.

6. If you need to contact me, please do so through the proper legal channels. My lawyers can be reached at beradical.lawteam@gmail.com

7. If you see a small black and white dog running around, his name is Turkleton and he is very ferocious. Be careful.

Disclaimer

After talking with the team of lawyers that handles the legal aspects of my blog, I have been advised to post a disclaimer concerning the nature of what I write.

Let's make a pretty little list, shall we?

1.  Any opinions of the Author on the Site are or have been rendered based on specific facts, under certain conditions, and subject to certain assumptions, and may not and should not be used or relied upon for any other purpose, including, but not limited to, for use in or in connection with any legal proceeding. (I'm not entirely sure what this means, but I mean it!)

2. The Information may be changed without notice and is not guaranteed to be complete, correct, timely, current or up-to-date. Similar to any printed materials, the Information may become out-of-date. The Author undertakes no obligation to update any Information on the Site; provided, however, that the Author may update the Information at any time without notice in the Author’s sole and absolute discretion. The Author reserves the right to make alterations or deletions to the Information at any time without notice.

3. This site is for entertainment purposes only. In no way should someone feel there is medical advice being dispensed and no doctor-patient relationship will be established.  

4. Any information posted about my employment, past or present, is technically fictitious and used for illustrative or educational purposes. 

5.  This site is maintained and owned exclusively by Benjamin E. Ihms, all rights reserved.  All opinions expressed herein are those of the author only, and do not represent the positions of his employers or any medical facility or organization with which he is affiliated.

6. If you need to contact me, please do so through the proper legal channels. My lawyers can be reached at beradical.lawteam@gmail.com

7. If you see a small black and white dog running around, his name is Turkleton and he is very ferocious. Be careful.

UPDATE:

8. By visiting this site you agree to abide by the terms listed on this disclaimer page. You also agree to take no action detrimental to the reputation or employment of the author based on this website and/or its content.

9. This will look a lot like number four, but any stories posted on here are entirely made up. As far as this site is concerned EVERYTHING IS FICTITIOUS. That is all. Thank you.

10. This is ridiculous that I have to have this disclaimer page.