A guy with a monkey on his shoulder walks into a bar. As soon as he sits down, the monkey is off his shoulder, going crazy. He eats a bowl of peanuts, and the bartender mentions it.
"Yeah, he eats everything. I'll pay for it."
The monkey runs over to the cocktail olives and eats them all. The bartender gets irate, and again the guy says, "yeah, he eats everything. Sorry, I'll pay for it."
The monkey jumps on a pool table and in one quick motion, snatches up the cueball and swallows it. The bartender yells, and the guy collects his monkey, apologizes and pays for all the stuff.
A week later, the same guy comes in with the monkey, and as soon as he sits down, the monkey is on the bar. He runs over to a bowl of cherries and snatches one up. The bartender watches, disgusted, as the monkey looks at the cherry, sticks it up his bum, pops it out, then eats it. He tells the guy what just happened, and he says, "Yeah, I'm not surprised. Ever since he ate that cue ball, he measures everything first."
Hope your New Year's resolution to watch what you eat is going well.
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